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Dr-Ebel-and-FamilyIf you would have told me in the moments of negative pregnancy tests or the ultrasound with no heartbeat that I would be so grateful for those moments, I would have mentally noted that I’d like to avoid you. The heartache and the wait and the literal 24/7 thoughts of wanting a baby so badly are hard. It doesn’t ever feel like it could turn into something to eventually be grateful for. Being on the other side with four beautiful, healthy, happy and perfect kids is what now makes me grateful.

Here’s the thing though. When I say perfect I don’t mean perfectly behaved, sleeping through the night, never fighting, always listening kind of perfect. I mean hard, long nights with no sleep for literally a decade now. I mean a feeling of being solely a boob without a social life in sight. I mean losing my cool and screaming at my kids. I mean nagging, yelling, desperate for a great sleep night kind of perfect.

The kind of perfect that comes with being a parent.

Very often we hear moms and parents complaining about parenting. Complaining about the very things we sign up for when we decide to welcome those sweet blessings into our lives. Complaining about things that someone going through the heartbreak of infertility would literally do anything to experience. At no point does becoming a parent have anything to do with US, it is always about THEM. Which is why I am grateful for that ultrasound with no heartbeat. I am grateful for those 3 positive pregnancy tests that eventually lead to that gut wrenching moment when we knew we were losing those babies. I can honestly say that God handpicked my family for me. The four kids I have now would be different kids without that heartbreak, like literal different human beings from conception.

Perspective Can Change Everything

So on those sleepless nights I don’t smile and jump for joy and get excited to be awake one hundred times in the night. I don’t start clapping with glee when I finally get the baby to sleep only for a night wandering toddler to climb in bed and kick me all night long just to keep me on the brink of actual sleep. I don’t love that someone seems to always want to wake me up to tell me they need to go potty when they are very capable of just going without the need to wake me up about it. I don’t love that my day is dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning, homework, and packing lunches on repeat at least 10 times before I have time to brush my teeth and take a shower. I don’t love those moments just like the rest of the parenting world but I was blessed with perspective.

The perspective that those preciously imperfect perfect beings are mine. That those babies I prayed for and cried for and fought for are mine. The perspective that all those hard moments are exactly what it means to be a parent. That doesn’t mean I’m always a good mom but it means I will always strive to do my best and vow to be better when I fail. I also will always strive to be gracious knowing those imperfect moments are moments some people are right now praying for and crying for and fighting for. Sometimes a little perspective can change everything.

2 Join the Conversation

  1. says
    Mar 18, 2017 at 2:19 PM

    Love this!! Thank you Kristina! I know exactly what you mean. Perspective is everything and we have been blessed and I trusted with these little, precious lives! ...I laughed out loud about the "waking you up to tell you they have to go to the bathroom"!! My kids always do that too! Every. Single. Time.

    • Kristina says
      Mar 20, 2017 at 1:47 PM

      I know! The best is when they wake you up to tell you they went potty. Not even that they have to go but that they went! Haha! One day we will want just one more night to be woken up with those tiny nighttime whispers. So let's embrace it now. :)

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